Where is your goal? | Torque net | Chandrama Anderson

By Chandrama Anderson

Email Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am an LMFT specializing in couples and bereavement counseling and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I am the President of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I’ve worked in high tech at Apple, Stanford University and in… (More)

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Readers, please follow this exercise:

1. From the top of your head, write down the 3-5 immediate answers that came to mind.
2. Now look at your calendar and how you track the money spent over the past three months, six months, and one year. What are the top 3-5 answers you wrote?
3. Compare the two lists. What do you notice ? Are they the same? Is there overlap? Are there any discrepancies between list one and list two? How do you feel seeing this?
4. Is there anything you would like to change in your life now that you have done this exercise?

This is what my lists look like today:
1. My newly retired husband and our life together.
2. Settling in (unpacking, changing address, updating insurance, etc.).
3. Book, Book, Book (I Do, I Don’t: How to Build a Better Marriage). Write, my artist, get everything to my editor, find people to write the foreword/afterword, blurbs.
4. Treat my clients with compassion, care, dignity and a little humor.

Three months
1. Moving (and all that relates to it).
2. Moving (in coordination with my husband).
3. Moving, and soon, book.
4. Customers.

Six months
1. Time with my husband when he wasn’t at work.
2. Book, book, book.
3. Dealing with migraines.
4. Customers.

One year
1. Get healthy (exercise, physiotherapy, migraine management, etc.).
2. My husband/my marriage.
3. See a few friends (being introverted is normal for me).
4. Book, book, book.

List comparison
What I notice: there is an overlap between what I thought I was focusing on and what I actually focused on. I notice that my health and migraines weren’t on many of my lists. Still, it was a huge goal.

How do I feel
I am grateful for focusing on my health. I am sad that I had to devote so much time and energy to migraines. I’m excited for the next phase of my life with my husband, my job, my books, my adventures in nature, my walks with my dog, Bixby, my friends and my family.

what i want to change
This is a time of transition for me in many ways: my husband’s retirement; enter the publication phase while writing the second book; I want to stay focused on maintaining and improving my health and well-being; add more fun to my life; hanging out with friends and family.

Readers, I hope this exercise has been useful to you. Please share with us what you learned or noticed.

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