A Helpful Guide to All the Things You Shouldn’t Eat If You Want to Live Longer and Lose Weight

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Here’s an internet wormhole: Go to YouTube and search for food ads from your childhood days. You’ll find, remarkably, that not only are they all there, but they’re also organized and organized into playlists that are a crash course – or dare I say it, crash diet – of horrific proportions.

For me, this exercise was an investigation into the 1970s and early 1980s, the apotheosis of Mad Men-a style advertising culture that convinced us that “Mikey likes it” and “my bologna has a name”. I haven’t eaten Life cereal or Oscar Mayer bologna in decades, and yet the videos inspired nostalgic pains that Don Draper could surely convince me was hunger.

I would love to say that I don’t eat these foods because they are bad for me and the planet, but that’s only part of the story. Cereals high in carbohydrates and sugar and deli meats of dubious animal origin are, indeed, bad for my body: it’s science. But if my YouTube frenzy has taught me anything, it’s that food science is constantly evolving and food companies will always have a vested interest in exploiting it.

Example: fat.

Kuh-Kuh-Kuh-Keto

In the 1980s, fat was decidedly bad, and “fat free” products flooded the aisles of supermarkets. In the 90s, suddenly, some fats got good, but only those whose names sounded like independent films (“Carey Mulligan plays in Polly, unsaturated») And could be associated with a vision of the Mediterranean much closer to the imagination of the New Wave than to the reality of Italy or Greece in the 90s.

With the effects came a fascination with Atkins-inspired ketosis. It was a time when all fats were good, and “fat free” was just a pair of F words. The common thread was “science,” though a science tapped into by corporate food chemists, like the Finger Frankensteins. fish.

In 1996, for example, the Food and Drug Administration approved for human consumption a chemical additive known as olestra (aka “Olean”), which replaced fat in everything from potato chips to butter. while also replacing (drum roll) satiety with a well-known product. side effect. Loose bowels. Now you can eat your cake and have it too. In your pants.

Leave me alone

And Frankenfoods aren’t the only foods you need to worry about. This is a quote from an email sent by my editor as she tries to defend kale:

“Kale is better than lettuce on the cob. No wait, the kale came out because it’s a brassica, and the brassicas are bad because … I don’t remember, but I saw this. Something about hurting the thyroid.

Kale has skyrocketed in popularity (we’ve called kale “the new beef” for its dense nutrition), with people eating it by bushel before realizing that while kale in small amounts is good, the kale is good. kale in large quantities can indeed be toxic. And this completely understandable distinction between a normal amount and an abnormal amount has led to a preponderance of very conflicting feelings about the cruciferous.

In short, if we’ve learned anything it’s that we haven’t learned anything, and the universe’s appetite for irony presupposes that kale is late for a reversal.

Kale is dead. Long live kale.

No Toots Allowed

Same as beans.

Of course, they’re one of the most common foods in Blue Zone populations, which are the seven (or five, or nine, depending on how you Google) the oldest and healthiest populations on the planet. , but they also contain what is known as “antinutrients”.

Now I’m not a nutritionist, but if I played one on TV I would say it’s due to Fig Newton’s third law of nutrition, which says “for every nutrient there is a equal and opposite antinutrient ”, and in this case, it’s the actual protein known as a lectin. These proteins bind to certain carbohydrates like sugar and turn into inflammatory agents. And sometimes poison. Castor seeds, for example, are known to be poisonous lectin known to forensic scientists and writers of cozy detective stories as ricin.

So, skip the bean dip … if you want to live.

But wait, there is more!

Bread. obviously gluten is a killer.

Fruit. Sugar is a Soviet era plot to destroy American minds and bodies!

Eggplants, tomatoes, peppers – they are all nightshades, who I’m pretty sure were evil spirits in a Harry Potter book.

Mushrooms are only okay to eat if you are microdosing, but not in your pasta sauce: they are mushrooms, which is the code for toxic shock syndrome. I won’t even go into red wine and its repeated pretenses to be a resveratrol-rich health tonic.

There is a kind of irony lurking here. We eat plant and animal matter (i.e. food), which means our meals go from living to dead to digested. Is it paranoid to think that our food concerns are really plants and animals in revenge?

I concede: it’s not just paranoid but wrong. Maybe not the revenge part (I mean, have you read Farm animal?) but the idea that all food is really bite-sized time bombs.

Reality

The point is, some simple rules (like don’t eat anything with your thumb) can help you find a diet that will keep you healthy and happy. A place to start is to understand your own personal and unique nutritional needs (a registered nutritionist or dietitian can help with this) and orient yourself as much as possible towards sustainably produced organic choices that are not overly processed and does not contain ingredients that you cannot pronounce. Simple is always better. Like this famous mantra from the inimitable Michael Pollan:

“Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.”

The reality is that whether you eat Life cereal or not, eat nightshades or avoid them, and even if you eat bologna every now and then … your diet is probably safer than you are. think, and there is no reason to beat yourself up over it.

The only thing that should be black and blue is your fair trade, shade grown, farm to fork, non-GMO, natural and organic black bean and blue corn nachos. With vegan cheese, of course.

Linked to organic authority
The 3 Differences Between Paleo and Keto Diets (& 9 Great Ways To Do Both!)
“The Accidental Paleo” Effortlessly Combines Plant-Based Diet and the Paleo Diet
My diet doesn’t have a universal name, but it’s the healthiest I’ve ever felt


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